JanYouAry22 - I learn

Hello and welcome to 2022! What a weird year last year was, a mix of highs and lows as we each battled to discover our own new realities given the ever changing world.  The only constant we have is change, and as Buddha says in a world where we strive for permanence we are always reminded that things are temporary and that no matter how much we would like things to stay the same they just can't and we shouldn't get too hung up on creating false attachments.

One of the things I learnt last year was I'm way more resilient than I've ever given myself credit for, learning the glass has taught me this.  Being grateful for my customers who then became friends. Being grateful I have the opportunity every day to learn something new and to keep growing.  Being grateful I have a range of personal skills that allowed me to go stuff it I'll learn something new, and I did!

One of the other things I want to challenge myself on is social media, yeah I'm great at talking random twaddle with folk on twitter and I love the connections I've made but Instagram for some reason has always confounded me so with the help of my #MHHSBD I accepted the challenge to learn.  For those that don't know that # is basically a community of small online businesses that rumble away in the background to offer support, encouragement, sharing and generally going woohoo you got this and trust me it saves many a bad day or when you just feel a bit flat or overwhelmed cause let's face it being a sole trader is tough so it's rather lovely to have a family that get it around you.

So, the Instagram challenge - basically a single phrase prompt each day ranging from I wish, I am, I believe but what I noticed is they all begin with I. That isn't a very British thing to put yourself front and centre, it took a little head space to go erm yeah ok I have to talk about myself ...... yeah ok, let's try this, but it really isn't a natural British thing to do, but you know what it should be!  It's not arrogant to say you know what I'm pretty good at this, and especially when you're running as a business.  You wouldn't walk into a department store and listen to a sales clerk go well, yeah, it's ok I guess - no, they sell it to you! So, we need to do that a little better too!

So, back to the IG challenge, and why this blog - today's prompt is I LEARN.  And that's really critical, we can learn every day from someone somewhere.  Be it something that appears insignificant to others or something huge, it doesn't matter - the point is you accepted that this information or process was new.  Therefore you accepted that you could improve by self reflection and accepting the new information rather than just going yeah I already knew that, next.  That's arrogance, to assume you cannot learn anything new.  To assume you are above being able to take on a new way, or someone's else's ideas.  Ok, it may not work for you as a whole but I bet there's a little nugget that you go ohhhhhh that's interesting, hadn't considered that! And that in itself starts the thinking process, you cannot learn if you don't critically think or reflect.  The glass has taught me this, soooooo many pieces didn't work as I wanted so I had to reflect, think and try again.  The old adage of it doesn't matter how many times you fall down but it does matter how many times you get back up is very true!

So, thank you to everyone that sends me ideas, images to try and make, asks if I've tried a different way or sends me links to youtube videos for ideas - I do appreciate them all,

thanks all, Pixie x

Chakras - and their importance

 

Deep down we all know that we're connected to things outside of our control, some call it their gut instinct, some say I just had a sixth sense about something.  That odd feeling when something tells us not to cross the road just yet and seconds later a car comes whizzing round the corner and had we crossed we wouldn't be here.  There are many stories like this around the world and the truth is yes we are all inter connected.  

I choose to work with the Chakra colours as they are based on reflections of light and that's such a beautiful thing to do when you are surrounded by glass that basically twinkles and reflects all the time.  Adding candles to coloured glass makes any room cosy so I find it incredibly relaxing to consolidate and build on that connection.

Essentially they are points within the body that control different functions and are represented by different colours.  From teaching, I'm also aware of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and I've always considered the linkage from this to the Chakra colours and the different functioning we each need.

I've always been one that some days I just NEED to have yellow around me, and on reflection it's me being aware of which Chakra is misaligned so needs a little boost or a bit or help.  I instinctively pick the crystal I think will help me most on any given day but I'd never really looked into it that deeply and just allowed intuition to guide me. Scientifically glass reflects at different rates so it's not a total surprise that this resonating can affect the physical and mental body too.  Think about when you hear music and the beat or tone can be felt through your body, just because you can't necessarily feel the colours vibrations doesn't mean it isn't having an effect.  Some also struggle in the winter with seasonal affected disorder and use light to correct the imbalance.  So this idea that light and frequencies affect us, while it may be anecdotal and not fully recognised in science, does appear in many articles and blogs.

So, back to the Chakras.  I decided to use them as a base for my work and even if you don't buy into the Chakra logic they're pretty and look colourful together and I always think the world needs more colour! Anyone who has met me in real life will attest to the fact that magnolia is definitely NOT a colour I accept exists or would ever use!  Over the coming weeks I plan to go through each colour and use pictures from around my home and garden to show how I use them to boost my own energies.

Have fun out there, and start listening to which colour you need around you,

Pixie x

Beginners guide to understanding Buddhism

 

One of the key things that Buddha taught us was about attachment (anicca), and how that attachment creates desire to hold onto things, and when we can no longer maintain that hold it creates suffering (dukkha).  There is a misconception that Buddha believes we can only grow through suffering, what he was trying to say that our false preconceptions of what is useful or valuable to us causing suffering because of our attachment to something.

For example, we may desire a new phone (doesn't matter if we need it or not, the desire is present) so we buy a new phone.  We give ourselves lots of rationales like I deserve it because I worked hard last week, all my friends have one so I don't want to get left behind.  Temporarily it brings us happiness as we can join in with our friends, we get to play with new buttons.  However the happiness is impermanent, we may have had to take a new credit contract to purchase it, and now regretting it, the dog may slobber on it and break it and thus the cycle continues through to suffering.  It was the desire, not the phone that brought about the suffering, the desire for something that would bring temporary happiness.  Yet we find ourselves blaming the phone, that thing that is just plastic and electronics that you didn't even need in the first place, you just desired it.

However, when we become aware that things are temporary and constantly changing (impermanence) we accept the temporary happiness and enjoy it while it is with us.  We are grateful for that time.  It is not the impermanence that creates the suffering, it is our attempt to cling to something that is ever-changing that causes the suffering.

2020 created the greatest level of change many of us will ever see in our lifetime.  It taught us that life truly is impermanent as friends and family became ill and sadly passed, often without the ability to grieve properly.  Jobs, businesses, friendship groups have all been tested to their limits and some have fared far worse than others.  Buddha also taught us that people do not have a fixed self or soul and are constantly changing (Anatta) and again each of us has transformed in some way during the last 12 months because we are not fixed.

He talked of the four noble truths:

1. There is suffering, this is inescapable and to think otherwise is foolish - Dukkha
2. Suffering has a cause, be it physical, emotional, or due to false attachment - Samudaya 
3. Suffering can come to an end - Nirodha
4. There is a way to bring suffering to an end - Magga

The idea that there is a cause for suffering is explained by Tanha, 

• craving things that please the senses
• craving to be something you are not
• craving to stop experiencing something

But we're back to the idea of attachment because everything changes that chocolate you crave today will taste different tomorrow and you may also be cursing the change that the weight gain gives you.  Your cravings change, your body changes, your needs change, and to grow attached to something that gives short term benefit may lead to an attachment or addiction which in itself will cause harmful effects. He then spoke of the three poisons 

1. greed or desire (cockerel)
2. hatred or anger (snake)
3. ignorance (pig)

Budhha believed that people get trapped into these cycles and that the poisons are linked to the cravings or Tanha.  Craving something you do not possess leads to greed and perhaps anger at not being able to have something.  It is also to ignore what you need and replace it with desire and thus the negative cycle continues.

By living in harmony with the four noble truths and recognising that life does indeed constantly change, as do we within it and accept it we begin to take control of our own lives.  Living in the present is about accepting what we have, not what we desire; value the body we have, not desire to be something we are not.  If we are unhappy about something then we need to look inwards and see if we are not poisoning ourselves by false attachment or expectations?  I for instance will never be a 6' glamour model and there is absolutely no point pretending otherwise!

Nibbana is a state of freedom, happiness, and peace or enlightenment.  It doesn't mean you sit in temple praying with monks for hours in contemplative silence, it means you are living in the present.  Content with what you have, valuing the ever-changing world around you, and accepting that if suffering is present it will not last.  Change is the only constant and Buddha asked we be mindful of the eightfold path to allow us to get closer to eliminating the poisons that hold us back and cause suffering.

It isn't easy right now to always think kindly, act with good intention, and be grateful for what we do have.  Many are experiencing struggles they could never envisage 12 months ago so it is important we are grateful for what we do have and offer support to those that may need it. 

The Secret - a guide for living

 

Go on, admit it - how many of you made resolutions, or vision boards, or goals for 2021?? I know I did, but then something didn't feel quite right about the way I was approaching it.  It all seemed to centre around I won't do this, I want to leave that behind and I began to realise they were all negatively formed phrases.  I remembered that years ago I had been gifted the book of The Secret so decided to revisit it.  It was a wet rainy afternoon so why not put the film of it on.  It is on youtube and currently on UK Netflix and if you haven't seen it, I thoroughly recommend that you do as it alters your way of seeing things - for the better.  The book is also available written by Rhonda Byrne.

So, back to the 2021 vision boards.  Initially I'd started the way most do, a list of things to change and again it sort of centred on negative things.  What The Secret teaches you is the universe doesn't recognise can't, won't, and so on so leaves those words out.  So, if you keep saying I don't want to be fat it leaves out the word don't and yep you got it you keep reinforcing that you will be fat.  So, rather than focus on what you don't want focus on what you DO want.  But make it sensible, don't say I want to be thin - say I want to be the healthiest me possible.  But then there's another layer to The Secret, write these phrases as if they have already happened so it now gets changed to I AM the healthiest I can be.

So we have a transition from:

I don't want to be fat

   

         I want to be healthier

    

                I am healthier

And once you start making that transition in your mind you begin to attract what you want, you may bump into a health coach, stumble across a good cooking article, find youtube links; but you will attract what you need because you've already told your subconscious that this is the person you are so you begin to believe it which in turn makes you happier about your food choices, cooking choices and so the positive cycle evovles.

What the book tells you is imagine the Universe is one giant department store and you can have literally anything you want, and make a list! You want a new car, new partner, better health - whatever is important to you, write it down.  BUT make it into a now statement.  So if you want to have a new car imagine it's already sitting outside your house and you have the keys, write down I am driving my new red car.

Now, this isn't just a way of selfishly fulfilling your wishlist like some genie in Aladdin; it's also about appreciating and recognising you are responsible for your own joy.  Not your boss if they were kinder, not your kids if they cleared up more, not your partner if they paid you more compliments but YOU. Your joy lies within you and it's up to you to realise and appreciate that.  Sure, it's easy to go 'I'd be happier if I were 10lb thinner' but would you?? Really?? How is being thinner really altering your headspace??  The body is temporary, it's a shell to contain you so being thinner doesn't really alter your perceptions or your attitude that much.

The other thing that comes out loud and clear is love yourself first, because if you don't then why should anyone else? Now this is a tough one for many, we often have difficult histories and stories but sadly so do many and we can't change what happened to us.  But we can choose to see that we're still here, we live with it and manage it perhaps, we can choose to see the good things we do for others.  Often the most damaged are the most helpful to others because it's far easier to do nice things for others than thinking we deserve them too. Been there, got the Tshirt and now I use it to clean paintbrushes because I like painting and it seems a fitting use for it.

Also, one of the things it says it talk about the things you want more, talk about them with passion, with excitement, with energy.  So, if you've always wanted to get an MA for example imagine you have the books, imagine the joy you can share with others when you have that qualification.  See yourself as having already achieved it.  Energy flows where attention goes so if you're constantly saying I'm rubbish at this - guess what, the universe will go yep we agree so here's some more to feel rubbish about!

The other critical thing is you have to believe, so there's no point half heartedly saying well yes of course I want to be healthier .... you're about to throw in a but statement, but I can never do it, but I can't get to the gym.  The minute you pause and add in that but statement, forget it.  You don't believe it will happen so guess what, it won't and your cycle of negativity continues.  So ask and truly believe in your heart that it's possible.  And accept that perhaps what you get isn't quite what you expected but it'll be what's right for you so say thank you.  So make the list but make it with bold, clear, honest intentions - not because Sarah in accounts wants something and you like Sarah in accounts; but for YOU!

So the key message is:

You can achieve, be, do anything you want - but what do you actually want?? Think about it properly for a minute or two, for YOU not your kids, not your partner but YOU?

The law of attraction works like a magnet - what you desire you attract, so the more negative thoughts you put out the more you'll get back, simple.

What you think about you bring about - again, negativity breeds negativity but happy breeds happy.

Your feelings will drive what you achieve, we each have yucky situations to deal with but how you feel about it as you're dealing with it will cause the ripples going along.

Don't apologise for wanting something - a child hasn't learnt they are not the centre of the world so why not be bold and say you know what, yes I do want that promotion.

So, firstly    

    ASK - write your list to the universe

    BELIEVE that it's possible, be bold, be clear and just accept it will happen

    RECEIVE - this is often the trickiest as we don't always see the gifts let alone accept so just say            thank you and accept them

So here we go, vision board 1 BEFORE watching - usual list, often negative and quite frankly even by my standards a little dull!

Board 2 AFTER watching, it's jolly and pretty and doesn't follow straight lines (remind you of anyone?!)  None of this is a list, it's all I am and imaging I'm already there.

I'm not expecting to magically become a great glass artist overnight without working at it, but I am expecting to now enjoy the process more.  To take more joy from it, be more passionate, share that excitement with others and maybe you too can use it to find you magic, just have fun with it!

Pixie x

Choice, chance, change - the reasoning behind the affirmation ritual

 

Burning to cleanse is not a new concept, farmers used to do it to clear the land of old crops and holistic people use it to cleanse draining thoughts that hold you down so the concept of burning to remove is not new.  Some think these ideas are full of mystic voodoo and somehow dangerous in allowing bad spirits in to haunt you.  To us that have done these rituals for many years that sort of makes us giggle because to us the very idea we would allow anything bad to happen is so far removed from what we are trying to achieve and more importantly help you achieve.

The affirmation burning is a mix of old Hindu and Buddhist ideas combined with ancient folklore and includes the thinking behind The Secret.  The simple idea is that you are honest with yourself and that in itself can be difficult because none of us really like to own our flaws, weaknesses or other negatives we consider within ourselves.  The truth is those weaknesses or flaws that we consider, others see them as our strengths so perhaps the trick is to relearn how you see yourself? But, the idea is that you write down these things - whatever they may, and by writing them down you release their negative hold over you.  By actually saying out loud I want to be more xyz than abc you are acknowledging, accepting and recognising that change would be good.  Only by recognising and accepting can you actually hope to make change.  Einstein sort of nailed it when he said if you keep doing the same thing and expect different results then it won't happen - and logically we know this but it isn't always easy especially when there are emotional aspects to most of our decision making processes.

But, and this is the good but - by becoming more self aware, by actually looking at things and considering what you want to be, where you are now and then seeing that link you can begin to see what you may want to change.  And they don't have to be earth shattering massive 'I'd like to get a PHD in neuro science' well ok, you may want to and that's fantastic if that is your goal.  For most of the changes need to be around self care, self healing, self love and self acceptance.  Simple things like if you get enough sleep your body and brain can function more effectively.  The world isn't always fair and it certainly isn't always nice but sadly it's always been that way and will continue to do so.  The trick is to find how you want to engage with this world, you're not competing with anyone but yourself so comparisons are pointless. We all know that social media posts tend to only show the amazing things, they don't show them treading in cat sick at 6am while stressing that everyone has overslept and it's chaos - well they might say that later and make it sound funny but you get my drift?

So back to the burning, it's incredibly simple.  You write down the things you feel are weighing you down, could be you need to love yourself a little more, could be you want to spend more time with friends, could be you want to stop feeling powerless in upsetting situations - the list is endless but it's also incredibly personal.  Whenever we've done these evenings in the past I've heard folk say 'oh, that sounds so petty and silly, I can't include that' well yes, you can because it's affecting YOU, not anyone else YOU.  What one person considers a minor inconvenience others get really upset over, it's incredibly personal and has a lot to do with your background, your upbringing, your work but the point is it's personal to you so there is no right or wrong, nothing too small or too big you can't include.

You write them down, but try to make them into something that has a call to action so for example rather than saying I'm fat and I don't want to be you would say I want to eat well and become a healthy weight.  Changing the wording allows you to do something rather than assume it's a done deal and you're stuck with it.  By removing the opportunity to change you will remain burdened with that negative thought.  The trick is to begin owning those choices, or at least the ability to make them - and yes believe me I know it's a lot harder in reality and it's a learnt behaviour, it won't come instantly especially if you've had these negatives for some time but small steps lead to a long journey so take the first one.

Once you have written down your thoughts, they could be for you or for others, but make them helpful, make them positive and give them a call to action and a positive choice element.  As you fold them up remind yourself what you wrote down, remind yourself this is the first step to freeing yourself, this is the time you now acknowledge they are not helpful to you.  Fold them up and place them in your bowl, dish or whatever you choose to use.  We burn them by adding white sage for cleansing and dried flower petals as a reminder that all things are temporary and will pass.  Listen to the noise, listen to the crackle and smell the sage as they burn and watch as all those flaws you allow to define you are nothing more than paper burning in front of you - and YOU now release their power over you, because ultimately it is your choice so take it.

Pixie x

Size Really Does Matter

Yes the title is size does matter  – hopefully that’s got your attention in the right way! Hopefully you’re already a little angry at me – good, you’re meant to be!  You're meant to be sat there going, hang on that's a bit judgemental and feeling slightly annoyed at me.  Good, you dam well should be, and now I’ve got you a little angry I’ll explain what I mean properly.

You may think what do I have to worry about in terms of body image, I have a very small frame and yes a good shape (not going to pretend I don’t because that would be offensive in so many ways) but here’s the thing it wasn’t always the case.  At the age of 10 my primary head teacher said in assembly in front of the entire school ‘where’s the fat one, thought she was doing the next reading?’  I’m not 10 anymore, but as you can imagine that kind of thing stays with you.  It colours the fact that you won’t allow anyone to take your photograph or post selfie images on social media.  It colours the fact that you refuse to have mirrors in the house and loathe changing rooms that are a myriad of mirrors with harsh lighting.  Shopping for me is like wrenching my very soul out piece by tiny piece till there’s nothing left so it’s easier to just say nah I’m good I hate crowds, see you later when asked to go shopping ‘because it’s fun’ no it isn’t! Not for those that can't stand the sight of their own body.

Then the real body dysmorphia kicks in with puberty as your body changes and you become even more aware of how you look compared to others.  We spend so long comparing ourselves, we have an altered sense of perception when it comes to ourselves in comparison to others and trust me it never ends well!  Not sure if anyone remembers that Gok Wan How to Look Good Naked programme but friends were desperate to get me on that just so I could start to see myself the way they do.  Compliments – forget it, we think you’re lying or out for some gain because why on earth would you give us a compliment??

But then something really odd happened.  I had a very serious bout of depression and while some comfort eat I refuse to eat. My hunger triggers shut down and eating is something forbidden, evil, disgusting. For those with eating disorders you'll understand when I say it's about control, it's never about the calories as such.  Food is the one thing we feel we have control over when everything else is topsy turvy in our lives, we may have zero control over a bad work place, a poor relationship, financial worries but food - that we can control, whether it's eating too much or in my case too little.  It becomes almost obsessive and you mark off small victories with it.  Again, it's about control - NOT the calories themselves.  To me, deprivation was some sort of small victory when you have a distorted view of yourself and your environment.  Cut a long story short I ended up in hospital prepped for surgery because I was presenting with appendicitis but actually the ketones in my liver were causing internal damage and it took 8 hours of tests and questions to figure this out.  I had lost far too much weight far too quickly and was told in no uncertain terms that if I presented again I would be on a drip and probably sectioned for causing self harm to myself.  So off to the anti depressants for me!

That was several years ago, I’m a healthy weight now and eat like a piggy so have no intention of going back into that darkness.  Depression isn’t a place of sadness, it’s a place of abject nothingness that tears at the fabric of your reality.  It distorts everything and while I know it’s possible to go back there I would really rather not.  I don’t think the door is ever fully shut but equally if you’ve never known the dark you can’t appreciate the light.  That’s how I have to rationalise it anyway, I know it’s not the same for everyone and don’t profess to have any answers.  I still have my moments, still struggle somedays to eat in front of new people, still think oh my god they'll think I'm a right piggy if I eat all that so yes somedays I still do the push the food around to give the impression I've eaten.  Still do the oh sorry, I didn't like the sauce that came in or it's fine I ate earlier.  It's far less common than it was and I try to be much more open about it now.  If I had a broken leg you'd move chairs and put a cushion out for me to make me feel more comfortable - head messes should be treated the same way and we should stop feeling ashamed that our minds are a little damaged but too many of us still feel a little ashamed as if it's somehow our fault, or we deserve to be unwell.  

So, back to today and why I do what I do with the glass around body positivity.  A good friend of mine got me to take photographs of myself to try and get me to see myself the way others do.  It’s not meant as a sexual thing, but the female naked body is incredibly sensual and I do now enjoy taking the pictures.  He also got me to make a life sized model of myself like the Nikki de Saint Phalle sculptures.  I remember vividly stepping back one day, covered in mod roc and paint and going 'erm there should be more of me that that??' and he went, no, that IS how big you really are and for the first time in many many years I genuinely saw myself through another's eyes and I'll admit it, I cried but in a good, relief kind of way. 

So the point about size matters – ladies (and gents!) you can spend a lifetime worrying about my bum is too big or my boobs are tiny – but true beauty has nothing to do with your physical shape.  It has to do with your brain, the way you act towards others, the kindness you exude when you help someone without reward.  True beauty is in the way you supported your friend when they needed you, it has nothing to do with your waist size! If we could only learn this quicker it would make me very happy to see you happy rather than getting on the scales and worrying! Everyone is beautiful and we should celebrate that more and I fully intend to keep doing it with the glass commissions.  The feedback from people to date makes me cry happy tears, especially when I get messages off their partner saying she can't stop smiling - THAT'S why I do what I do - it's not sleazy, it's not seedy, it's meant to be celebratory, it's meant to be affirming and if we could just get there quicker life would be so much better!