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Capacity - the hidden curse of the small trader

This is something that is increasingly cropping up in conversations from those looking to set up a shop or small business, and in the past, I have run this capacity question as a workshop for startups as it's a hidden issue that we don't always think about until it's too late.  I regularly have chats with folk bouncing away telling me their grand ideas but on digging a little deeper they have often not fully understood how much time they need and may not have the time to achieve their fabulous idea so we need to tweak it a little.

To give you an example of the capacity issue - let's make up Lucy the cake maker who wants to set up a cake shop.  She can bake amazingly well, absolutely no issue with her products.  But, capacity especially when making something yourself does need to be considered. 

For any small business start-up you must know your numbers, here's a basic breakdown of the initial key things:

How many hours can you realistically work at your business - you need to sleep, take small people to school, visit your Mum and see your friends from time to time. If it helps keep a little calendar check of your schedule for a week and then work out the hours you do have or could make available.

How long does it take you to make each item - if you batch make something then work out a time for 10 or 20 perhaps but as long as you know for example 20 cakes = 2 hours from start to completion.

Now you need to work out how much profit you have after selling your work - ignore the time for the minute, just deduct materials cost from selling price.  Remember to include packaging!

• You now have your four basic figures to work out if you can survive:
• Use the time per item and see how many you can make in your available time, eg if 20 cakes take you 2 hours and you have 6 hours in a day then you can produce 120 cakes
• Now multiply that number by your profit per item - again, if your cakes have a profit of £1 per cake you have £120 profit per baking day
• Does that £120 per day multiplied over your working week or month cover what you need to survive?
• If yes, fantastic; if no, then what can we change?

How much do you need to bring into your household each month to survive (notice I said survive, you are a startup so work on worst-case scenarios as anything else is a bonus in year one).  I have often been accused of being too commercial in my approach in the past towards the small craft business but the reason is that you do not start with the intention of making a loss! And without knowing your cost base and time (capacity) you may well accidentally end up there.  Many crafters have no intention of turning it into a business and it's used to top up a wage, or pay for holidays which is fine.  BUT if you want it as a real business paying your mortgage and bills you do need to keep an eye on the costs and your time. 
If you end up with a situation where you realise you cannot produce enough to cover your required income then look to diversify.  What costs can you cut, can you create passive income from recipes online that people can pay and download off your website? Can a friend help do the deliveries to free you up to bake? Can you supply local cafes or do office lunch provision to build a customer base rather than the massive outlay of a store until you know exactly what's working for you?

Capacity is the hidden curse of the small trader - we are required to be all things at the beginning phase and everything needs doing at the same time.  We have to be the maker, the accountant, the advertiser, the brand, attend events - the list is endless and can seem daunting so be sensible.  Which activities use your time and generate returns? Admittedly in the beginning there won't be masses coming back as you build your portfolio, your brand, your customers, etc etc but join networking groups as it can also be incredibly lonely especially when you have to present to the world as happy and bouncy while going eekkkk not sure I can pay the mortgage this month.

Having said all that, there is also an element of risk attached to any start-up and you have to decide where your personal risk limit is.  Some are happy to take on a shop lease and work it out as they go along whereas others want full spreadsheets and two years figures first.  Both are ok, it's personal but just be clear what your risk level is and stick with it.  Whichever route you choose just make sure you stay on the right side of the balance sheet and have fun discovering your potential! And don't forget there is a lot of help out there, loads been there, done that and got the t-shirt, some now even print said t-shirts!

 

Body Dysmorphia - and what's going on inside our heads

As I'm now quite open about this cruel illness stealing so much of my time I do get quite a few messages saying help; my daughter struggles or I don't know how to help my friend so I thought I'd start logging down some of the useful things I've passed along in the past.  My story is that I stop eating, I shut down completely and the fridge is a basic no fly zone, others over eat but I basically starve myself. These are just blogs about how I remember it, what helped me, the conversations with others over the years about how they coped too.

Please do not take this as medical advice, IF someone is critically ill or at serious risk of self harm then please do call your local emergency services.  These comments are purely my thoughts on how folk wanted to help me when I was poorly and how I developed coping strategies to help let them into my world a little.  They may help, they may not but they might at least start a conversation going.  Or, maybe just send them a link to this blog and allow them to contact me directly if and when they want to.

Body dysmorphia is way more than seeing a pretty dress and going ahh but it looks great on the model cause she's tall and I'm short so it won't hang right on me.  It's way more than eek I ate too much cake and my jeans feel a bit tight.  It's ingrained so deeply in us that if we somehow catch sight of our image we'll turn to stone in morbid fear of what we will see.  That image must never be relayed back to us through mirrors, shop windows, bus stop shelters or parked car windows.  Reflective surfaces become like demons to us, like the sun is to a vampire and we can spot and avoid at 100 paces.  We wear glasses and hats to shield our eyes from accidentally seeing an image that got through our high shields.  It's way more than just feeling fat and almost doing the I feel fat so folk will give us compliments and the no, you look fab just as you are.  In fact we won't even discuss it with you, at all, nadda, zip, it doesn't exist - and if it doesn't exist in anyone's consciousness we can remain hidden in plain sight. That suits us just fine thank you very much!

BUT we know it's happening, we are not unaware of it, we are almost powerless to control it.  It is a mental health issue, it is NOT a vanity thing.  It is not a but I want to look good in a bikini this holiday thing, it is an all consuming daily battle within our own head and the noise is constant.  There is no off switch, we know we need to find that off switch but daily survival is the first thing.

So, to help - we don't want to talk to you.  You mean well, you love us, we know that.  We know you worry and want to help BUT we don't want your pity, we know that look! So, we will deflect and distract, we're masters at it, we can hide food and what we have or haven't eaten so you think you're hidden agenda question will get through our shields?!? Haha love the optimism! 

So, we don't want to openly talk to you BUT we do need you, so leave little post it notes around going 'hi, I couldn't finish the bagels today so left it in the fridge, have a good day!' that's non threatening. That's not saying oii I'm watching what you've eaten today, that's a hey you'll be helping me out so you sort of take the pressure off us a little.  We also need time to decide what we want to tell you, how much and when.  We're aware of what's going on and judge ourselves so harshly we sure don't need anyone else's judgement too! 

Also, unless you have walked this path I'm sorry but it's very hard to really know what's going on in their head - this is not something that began last Tuesday, this is something that began a long time ago and has had time to embed and get deep into their soul.  In the same way it takes a large ocean liner a long time to turn around this isn't a quick fix and in many ways never truly leaves so don't be in any hurry.  Pull up a chair and a good book and just listen out for our odd throwaway comments because they're not, they're us judging your reaction.  We can pass it off as a throwaway comment depending on the reaction we get. You can't help judge, you can't help apply your own understanding to this situation and especially if it's a close family member you want to do everything to help.  And harsh as this may sound, be aware that sadly somehow you may actually be mixed up in their reasoning or their history so sometimes it's easier to involve a friend with less emotional investment.

Another simple help strategy, just leave cookies lying around - especially if they are broken ones.  If we bite into a whole one you know we have, broken pieces are less likely to be noticed so we can just nibble without you necessarily knowing we have.

Will continue to update this as I remember things, but again, this is personal anecdotal evidence and not based in medical expertise so please take it in the way it is intended,

Have fun, Pixie x

You're keeping this why???

I apologise wholeheartedly to friends and family! This tidying lark gets under your skin and once you get your head around it you don’t seem to stop!

As a friend summarised:

1. Go big or go home
2. Reflect
3. Sweep through again
4. Get rid of the nigglers
5. Feel smug 
6. Repeat

And it really is that constant appraisal, that constantly asking yourself do I really need this? That self-critique of how did I acquire 7 ice scrapers, 4 tubes of decorators caulk and yet somehow feel the need to purchase more (you know who you are!!!). I have noticed a massive head shift in how I live in my space, how I feel about my space and also how I value it.  It’ll never be a show home, cats owning a home will never allow for that, but it does feel like a happy little home again.  One where there aren’t piles of odd project ‘that will come in useful’ stuff.

Key deadly phrases to watch out for, if you hear yourself saying them then you may be in danger of being a closet hoarder and may need the skip of salvation to rescue you.

That MAY come in useful - ok the key word here is MAY, and just how long have you hung onto said item just in case???  If it's more than a month I can almost categorically tell you that it won't come in useful, you would have used it by now if that were the case so in the skip with it!

It’s on my reading list –  really?? You had the time to make a list of things you’ll read but rather than read the book you made a list?? Skip of delusion again my friend.

It matches something I can’t remember where it is – this is my personal favorite reasoning of mine, chances are the one it matches is hiding somewhere, damaged or I’ve already thrown it out! Plus if I can’t remember where it is I clearly don’t use it. Unless it is antique, or so hard to replace it belongs in the skip of salvation.

I’ll make something out of that – again, one of my personal frailties! Like what exactly are you going to make with it??? And just how much else random rubbish will you accumulate before getting round to it?? And just how long have you been planning said project?? If the answer to any of these causes a giggle then off to the skip of salvation.

I love how inventive our self reasoning is for keeping things! Was helping a friend do her garage and it was an utter hoot finding at least 5 half opened tubes of decorating materials (I did have them too, my smugness came from having already done my tip run).

The other thing is organise stuff! Till earlier I called my kitchen cupboards the cupboards of doom, there were several duplicates, several packets of half-used things and many more things that I had clearly purchased on a whim yet gone nahh and shoved to the back of the cupboard.  I have cats yes, but they do not need 5 bowls each! By going through things I was able to discover exactly what I did have, what I needed to replace and what I clearly had a zombie apocalypse survival quantity of.

It is hard that first deep breath of right, I need to tackle this.  Even recognising that it needs tackling is a bit daunting.  The amount you clear out questions how you fitted in the house and did my friends think me an utter slob yet didn’t want to say anything?? We have found a badge maker and suspect there will be many silly badges made such as ‘I used to be a hoarder’ and we do like the Skip of Salvation for recovering hoarders.Yes I’m making light of it, but honestly, you feel so much better for living without the chaos around you, it starts to clear your head and you feel calmer in your own skin and space.  However, telling me I own too many cats and need to declutter won’t be happening soon – and anyway you have 6 bikes so nyahh!!!

Pixie x

The Ladder of Success

 

With grateful thanks to Elaine Collier for giving me some of her valuable time I was able to actually see my business from an outsiders perspective; what was good, what needed tweaking and more importantly how to grow it and genuinely be successful in what I love doing.  I've always been a creative little soul but sometimes creativity and business brains don't always make happy bedfellows as profit is often seen as a dirty word in the UK.  However there's sod all as a small trader you can do without profit, without profit you are a sweet little hobby maker and might as well gift your wares to friends and family for birthday gifts.  If you don't keep an eye on the figures you have no idea what's going on, and certainly can't review or grow your enterprise.  I fully accept for me the glass would be considered a lifestyle business or a Mom and Pop in the States, I have no desire to run a factory with many employees and for me personally the intimacy of knowing my customers is something I value enormously.  But that's me, and every story is different - the key is knowing your own story and being brutally honest with yourself.  Rose coloured dreams are wonderful but don't put food on the table or money in the gas meter.

So, back to the ideas and advice I was given.  Her strategy is 100 days to 100k - and yep I'll be honest I gulped and not sure my eyes could have gotten any bigger as she said it.  Her giggle told me this is a fairly standard reaction! However, I got out my notebook and pen and started scribbling and all of a sudden the lightbulbs were going pop pop pop absolutely all over the place, it's so bloody simple once you get your head around it! I also accept Elaine will explain it far better than me, but this is just me processing my thoughts into words about what I took from the meeting.

The idea is that you need a range of products.  Imagine a ladder propped against the wall with ten rungs and on each rung there is a product or service and they significantly jump up in value as you climb the rungs.  The numbers represent currency for whatever country you're in, I'm UK so they are £.

Like most I bet you're thinking yep got something up to the £197 rungs but blimey how on earth do you get further up the ladder?? And this is where the lightbulbs went off (for me anyway).  As she explained what you are doing is testing your market, is there a need, will folk get behind your products or services and more importantly do they get behind you?? As sole traders being accessible is vital, people buy from people.  We all know there are some stores or online places we avoid because customer service is so poor or it's impossible to actually talk to a human being when issues arise - same principle for a sole trader as YOU are the business.  Your website, etsy, whatever is just the vehicle promoting YOU.  Also, you're not expected to do all of it at once.  

The plan is you spend ten days on each rung, ok maybe not literally but ten days and boom move on.  You may well be working on projects for a few rungs at a time but once you've cleared a rung bank it and say yep that works, leave it chugging along on your website and think of the next challenge.  Small brain played far too many platform games as a kid and to me each run is like the boss level! Create and develop something for the rung, pitch it, sell it and beat the boss then boom onto the next level.  You are testing what the market will bear, what your customers will accept from you.  Sure, you may have feedback that says I loved it but can you do this instead?? Tweaking, listening, responding and accepting critique are all part of growth and learning.  And if you change mid way it's not a backtrack it's responding to your customers.  Lack of customers, and boom lack of profit and boom you're not a business you're back to being a hobby maker.  So, if you want to be a business you must listen and react accordingly.  There are some things obviously due to legal reasons and licences that will not be possible but as a general rule of thumb customer feedback must be listened to.  I've learnt so much from my customer base and wouldn't have improved without their comments.

So the light bulb moments!  Firstly there are three C's that will kill any business (especially small start ups) lack of capacity, lack of customers and lack of cashflow.  For me capacity is going to become my nemesis due to the physical capacity of the kiln with the glass so I need to do value added, sell my time, upsell, and most importantly have passive income that never sleeps.  Things uploaded to a website that folk can download anywhere in the world with an internet and paypal account - that's what I call a passive income.  Something you spend time creating once but is then always working for you in the background.  As you would expect the small brain has not stopped whirring and many many plans are afoot for the higher rungs! And also back to people buy from people, don't be afraid to sell your time - you're good at what you do, so shout about it, share your skills and knowledge.  Offer workshops, classes, talks whatever.  Foolishly you'll be able to get the small brain blogs on youtube and tiktok soon so mute now good folk!

But the trick is self awareness, critically assess where you are; where you want to be in five years and start seeing it.  Start believing you are at the top of the ladder already, start seeing your life after you've climbed it.  That way you will focus on the things that help you get there - sure I've made some lovely pretty things but they don't really make profit, or are too time consuming to be effective so I left them behind.  And we have to keep trying, we have to believe we can climb that ladder and instill a sense of personal belief because if we don't believe we can get there why should anyone else?? Talk with passion and conviction about what you do, why you do it, give customers a reason to invest in you personally not just buying products or services off you.  If you've not come across The Secret it's well worth a read.  It's about seeing that the success has already happened, you are already doing these ten rungs, you are already achieving your goals and teaches you that with self belief comes reality and that the law of attraction will naturally align you with things, people, investors that are appropriate to climbing all ten rungs.

For me, I'm going back to first principles of why the glass existed and began - I was very poorly with body dysmorphia and I want everyone to feel good about their body regardless of size, age, background, disability etc etc.  It's why I paint the body, it's why I paint nudes and I have zero problem with doing that especially when it makes folk happy about their own shape and image.

To all the small biz out there, good luck! It's a slog, it's tough but it's ours and we've worked too hard to go nah don't want to play today!  And have fun with it, I'm off to plot!

Pixie x

The Mirror of Doom

 

I was reminded of an old blog so wanted to return to the idea behind it.

How many of us have stood in front of the mirror and immediately trashed ourselves on seeing our image reflected back at us? I know I have, and countless girlfriends have too.  I apologise to the men as I can only write from a female perspective but am well aware this is not a gender issue, this is a people issue and we need to break the cycle.

So, here's a little exercise for you.  Go find pics on your phone of friends, happy pics when you were doing something fun.  Now find pics of folk you think are attractive for whatever reason, maybe you like their dress sense, maybe you like their giggle or smile - whatever reason find the pics of people you find attractive.  Now, print them off and tape them all around your mirror.  Yep, I know this sounds silly but humour me, fill the edge of that mirror with lots of pictures of people, friends, strangers, internet pictures - it doesn't matter who just lots and lots of images that make you smile for whatever reason.

Now, I want you to stand in front of that same mirror and make horrible negative comments to each and every one of those pictures.  Go on, find something you don't like.  Their boobs are too small, their shoulders are too rounded, those jeans make their bum look big.  You get the idea, you've been doing it to yourself for years so dish it out to others!

Right, how do you feel?? Probably a bit shit if you're being honest.  You don't know some of these people and the others are your friends - you would never dream of going up to them and saying wow your bum looks massive in those jeans! You just wouldn't, that's not friendship that's just plain mean.

SO WHY IS IT OK TO SAY IT TO YOURSELF???? bottom line, it isn't!

Now, second exercise - keep the pictures of your friends but this time add a post it note under each image.  Write something positive they say or have said about you, or thanked you for something you did that helped them.

Now when you look in the mirror see all the wonderful things folk think about you, see your friendship group around you and please stop saying negative things to yourself.  You would never do it to anyone else, exercise one proved that so now you have to imagine they are around you listening to your negativity and getting annoyed you are focusing on an outer shell and not living your best life because you're worried about a wobbly bit of tummy (that probably housed babies so ever likely to be a little wobbly!) or legs that don't quite fit into skinny jeans anymore.  Who cares, they like YOU not your waist size!

So get out there, live your life and enjoy being you!

Pixie x

JanYouAry22 - I learn

Hello and welcome to 2022! What a weird year last year was, a mix of highs and lows as we each battled to discover our own new realities given the ever changing world.  The only constant we have is change, and as Buddha says in a world where we strive for permanence we are always reminded that things are temporary and that no matter how much we would like things to stay the same they just can't and we shouldn't get too hung up on creating false attachments.

One of the things I learnt last year was I'm way more resilient than I've ever given myself credit for, learning the glass has taught me this.  Being grateful for my customers who then became friends. Being grateful I have the opportunity every day to learn something new and to keep growing.  Being grateful I have a range of personal skills that allowed me to go stuff it I'll learn something new, and I did!

One of the other things I want to challenge myself on is social media, yeah I'm great at talking random twaddle with folk on twitter and I love the connections I've made but Instagram for some reason has always confounded me so with the help of my #MHHSBD I accepted the challenge to learn.  For those that don't know that # is basically a community of small online businesses that rumble away in the background to offer support, encouragement, sharing and generally going woohoo you got this and trust me it saves many a bad day or when you just feel a bit flat or overwhelmed cause let's face it being a sole trader is tough so it's rather lovely to have a family that get it around you.

So, the Instagram challenge - basically a single phrase prompt each day ranging from I wish, I am, I believe but what I noticed is they all begin with I. That isn't a very British thing to put yourself front and centre, it took a little head space to go erm yeah ok I have to talk about myself ...... yeah ok, let's try this, but it really isn't a natural British thing to do, but you know what it should be!  It's not arrogant to say you know what I'm pretty good at this, and especially when you're running as a business.  You wouldn't walk into a department store and listen to a sales clerk go well, yeah, it's ok I guess - no, they sell it to you! So, we need to do that a little better too!

So, back to the IG challenge, and why this blog - today's prompt is I LEARN.  And that's really critical, we can learn every day from someone somewhere.  Be it something that appears insignificant to others or something huge, it doesn't matter - the point is you accepted that this information or process was new.  Therefore you accepted that you could improve by self reflection and accepting the new information rather than just going yeah I already knew that, next.  That's arrogance, to assume you cannot learn anything new.  To assume you are above being able to take on a new way, or someone's else's ideas.  Ok, it may not work for you as a whole but I bet there's a little nugget that you go ohhhhhh that's interesting, hadn't considered that! And that in itself starts the thinking process, you cannot learn if you don't critically think or reflect.  The glass has taught me this, soooooo many pieces didn't work as I wanted so I had to reflect, think and try again.  The old adage of it doesn't matter how many times you fall down but it does matter how many times you get back up is very true!

So, thank you to everyone that sends me ideas, images to try and make, asks if I've tried a different way or sends me links to youtube videos for ideas - I do appreciate them all,

thanks all, Pixie x

Chakras - and their importance

 

Deep down we all know that we're connected to things outside of our control, some call it their gut instinct, some say I just had a sixth sense about something.  That odd feeling when something tells us not to cross the road just yet and seconds later a car comes whizzing round the corner and had we crossed we wouldn't be here.  There are many stories like this around the world and the truth is yes we are all inter connected.  

I choose to work with the Chakra colours as they are based on reflections of light and that's such a beautiful thing to do when you are surrounded by glass that basically twinkles and reflects all the time.  Adding candles to coloured glass makes any room cosy so I find it incredibly relaxing to consolidate and build on that connection.

Essentially they are points within the body that control different functions and are represented by different colours.  From teaching, I'm also aware of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and I've always considered the linkage from this to the Chakra colours and the different functioning we each need.

I've always been one that some days I just NEED to have yellow around me, and on reflection it's me being aware of which Chakra is misaligned so needs a little boost or a bit or help.  I instinctively pick the crystal I think will help me most on any given day but I'd never really looked into it that deeply and just allowed intuition to guide me. Scientifically glass reflects at different rates so it's not a total surprise that this resonating can affect the physical and mental body too.  Think about when you hear music and the beat or tone can be felt through your body, just because you can't necessarily feel the colours vibrations doesn't mean it isn't having an effect.  Some also struggle in the winter with seasonal affected disorder and use light to correct the imbalance.  So this idea that light and frequencies affect us, while it may be anecdotal and not fully recognised in science, does appear in many articles and blogs.

So, back to the Chakras.  I decided to use them as a base for my work and even if you don't buy into the Chakra logic they're pretty and look colourful together and I always think the world needs more colour! Anyone who has met me in real life will attest to the fact that magnolia is definitely NOT a colour I accept exists or would ever use!  Over the coming weeks I plan to go through each colour and use pictures from around my home and garden to show how I use them to boost my own energies.

Have fun out there, and start listening to which colour you need around you,

Pixie x

Beginners guide to understanding Buddhism

 

One of the key things that Buddha taught us was about attachment (anicca), and how that attachment creates desire to hold onto things, and when we can no longer maintain that hold it creates suffering (dukkha).  There is a misconception that Buddha believes we can only grow through suffering, what he was trying to say that our false preconceptions of what is useful or valuable to us causing suffering because of our attachment to something.

For example, we may desire a new phone (doesn't matter if we need it or not, the desire is present) so we buy a new phone.  We give ourselves lots of rationales like I deserve it because I worked hard last week, all my friends have one so I don't want to get left behind.  Temporarily it brings us happiness as we can join in with our friends, we get to play with new buttons.  However the happiness is impermanent, we may have had to take a new credit contract to purchase it, and now regretting it, the dog may slobber on it and break it and thus the cycle continues through to suffering.  It was the desire, not the phone that brought about the suffering, the desire for something that would bring temporary happiness.  Yet we find ourselves blaming the phone, that thing that is just plastic and electronics that you didn't even need in the first place, you just desired it.

However, when we become aware that things are temporary and constantly changing (impermanence) we accept the temporary happiness and enjoy it while it is with us.  We are grateful for that time.  It is not the impermanence that creates the suffering, it is our attempt to cling to something that is ever-changing that causes the suffering.

2020 created the greatest level of change many of us will ever see in our lifetime.  It taught us that life truly is impermanent as friends and family became ill and sadly passed, often without the ability to grieve properly.  Jobs, businesses, friendship groups have all been tested to their limits and some have fared far worse than others.  Buddha also taught us that people do not have a fixed self or soul and are constantly changing (Anatta) and again each of us has transformed in some way during the last 12 months because we are not fixed.

He talked of the four noble truths:

1. There is suffering, this is inescapable and to think otherwise is foolish - Dukkha
2. Suffering has a cause, be it physical, emotional, or due to false attachment - Samudaya 
3. Suffering can come to an end - Nirodha
4. There is a way to bring suffering to an end - Magga

The idea that there is a cause for suffering is explained by Tanha, 

• craving things that please the senses
• craving to be something you are not
• craving to stop experiencing something

But we're back to the idea of attachment because everything changes that chocolate you crave today will taste different tomorrow and you may also be cursing the change that the weight gain gives you.  Your cravings change, your body changes, your needs change, and to grow attached to something that gives short term benefit may lead to an attachment or addiction which in itself will cause harmful effects. He then spoke of the three poisons 

1. greed or desire (cockerel)
2. hatred or anger (snake)
3. ignorance (pig)

Budhha believed that people get trapped into these cycles and that the poisons are linked to the cravings or Tanha.  Craving something you do not possess leads to greed and perhaps anger at not being able to have something.  It is also to ignore what you need and replace it with desire and thus the negative cycle continues.

By living in harmony with the four noble truths and recognising that life does indeed constantly change, as do we within it and accept it we begin to take control of our own lives.  Living in the present is about accepting what we have, not what we desire; value the body we have, not desire to be something we are not.  If we are unhappy about something then we need to look inwards and see if we are not poisoning ourselves by false attachment or expectations?  I for instance will never be a 6' glamour model and there is absolutely no point pretending otherwise!

Nibbana is a state of freedom, happiness, and peace or enlightenment.  It doesn't mean you sit in temple praying with monks for hours in contemplative silence, it means you are living in the present.  Content with what you have, valuing the ever-changing world around you, and accepting that if suffering is present it will not last.  Change is the only constant and Buddha asked we be mindful of the eightfold path to allow us to get closer to eliminating the poisons that hold us back and cause suffering.

It isn't easy right now to always think kindly, act with good intention, and be grateful for what we do have.  Many are experiencing struggles they could never envisage 12 months ago so it is important we are grateful for what we do have and offer support to those that may need it. 

The Secret - a guide for living

 

Go on, admit it - how many of you made resolutions, or vision boards, or goals for 2021?? I know I did, but then something didn't feel quite right about the way I was approaching it.  It all seemed to centre around I won't do this, I want to leave that behind and I began to realise they were all negatively formed phrases.  I remembered that years ago I had been gifted the book of The Secret so decided to revisit it.  It was a wet rainy afternoon so why not put the film of it on.  It is on youtube and currently on UK Netflix and if you haven't seen it, I thoroughly recommend that you do as it alters your way of seeing things - for the better.  The book is also available written by Rhonda Byrne.

So, back to the 2021 vision boards.  Initially I'd started the way most do, a list of things to change and again it sort of centred on negative things.  What The Secret teaches you is the universe doesn't recognise can't, won't, and so on so leaves those words out.  So, if you keep saying I don't want to be fat it leaves out the word don't and yep you got it you keep reinforcing that you will be fat.  So, rather than focus on what you don't want focus on what you DO want.  But make it sensible, don't say I want to be thin - say I want to be the healthiest me possible.  But then there's another layer to The Secret, write these phrases as if they have already happened so it now gets changed to I AM the healthiest I can be.

So we have a transition from:

I don't want to be fat

   

         I want to be healthier

    

                I am healthier

And once you start making that transition in your mind you begin to attract what you want, you may bump into a health coach, stumble across a good cooking article, find youtube links; but you will attract what you need because you've already told your subconscious that this is the person you are so you begin to believe it which in turn makes you happier about your food choices, cooking choices and so the positive cycle evovles.

What the book tells you is imagine the Universe is one giant department store and you can have literally anything you want, and make a list! You want a new car, new partner, better health - whatever is important to you, write it down.  BUT make it into a now statement.  So if you want to have a new car imagine it's already sitting outside your house and you have the keys, write down I am driving my new red car.

Now, this isn't just a way of selfishly fulfilling your wishlist like some genie in Aladdin; it's also about appreciating and recognising you are responsible for your own joy.  Not your boss if they were kinder, not your kids if they cleared up more, not your partner if they paid you more compliments but YOU. Your joy lies within you and it's up to you to realise and appreciate that.  Sure, it's easy to go 'I'd be happier if I were 10lb thinner' but would you?? Really?? How is being thinner really altering your headspace??  The body is temporary, it's a shell to contain you so being thinner doesn't really alter your perceptions or your attitude that much.

The other thing that comes out loud and clear is love yourself first, because if you don't then why should anyone else? Now this is a tough one for many, we often have difficult histories and stories but sadly so do many and we can't change what happened to us.  But we can choose to see that we're still here, we live with it and manage it perhaps, we can choose to see the good things we do for others.  Often the most damaged are the most helpful to others because it's far easier to do nice things for others than thinking we deserve them too. Been there, got the Tshirt and now I use it to clean paintbrushes because I like painting and it seems a fitting use for it.

Also, one of the things it says it talk about the things you want more, talk about them with passion, with excitement, with energy.  So, if you've always wanted to get an MA for example imagine you have the books, imagine the joy you can share with others when you have that qualification.  See yourself as having already achieved it.  Energy flows where attention goes so if you're constantly saying I'm rubbish at this - guess what, the universe will go yep we agree so here's some more to feel rubbish about!

The other critical thing is you have to believe, so there's no point half heartedly saying well yes of course I want to be healthier .... you're about to throw in a but statement, but I can never do it, but I can't get to the gym.  The minute you pause and add in that but statement, forget it.  You don't believe it will happen so guess what, it won't and your cycle of negativity continues.  So ask and truly believe in your heart that it's possible.  And accept that perhaps what you get isn't quite what you expected but it'll be what's right for you so say thank you.  So make the list but make it with bold, clear, honest intentions - not because Sarah in accounts wants something and you like Sarah in accounts; but for YOU!

So the key message is:

You can achieve, be, do anything you want - but what do you actually want?? Think about it properly for a minute or two, for YOU not your kids, not your partner but YOU?

The law of attraction works like a magnet - what you desire you attract, so the more negative thoughts you put out the more you'll get back, simple.

What you think about you bring about - again, negativity breeds negativity but happy breeds happy.

Your feelings will drive what you achieve, we each have yucky situations to deal with but how you feel about it as you're dealing with it will cause the ripples going along.

Don't apologise for wanting something - a child hasn't learnt they are not the centre of the world so why not be bold and say you know what, yes I do want that promotion.

So, firstly    

    ASK - write your list to the universe

    BELIEVE that it's possible, be bold, be clear and just accept it will happen

    RECEIVE - this is often the trickiest as we don't always see the gifts let alone accept so just say            thank you and accept them

So here we go, vision board 1 BEFORE watching - usual list, often negative and quite frankly even by my standards a little dull!

Board 2 AFTER watching, it's jolly and pretty and doesn't follow straight lines (remind you of anyone?!)  None of this is a list, it's all I am and imaging I'm already there.

I'm not expecting to magically become a great glass artist overnight without working at it, but I am expecting to now enjoy the process more.  To take more joy from it, be more passionate, share that excitement with others and maybe you too can use it to find you magic, just have fun with it!

Pixie x